Hello Beautiful
Been waiting for you.

Letters

Let's do it inwardly

Beloved below are various letters - all for you, spun in love. Our hearts know the way.

Every image corresponds to a letter. Every letter is an act of my desire simply to be with you, to feel you there on the other end of an invisible line. Navigate these letters intuitively; find an image or expression that resonates with you and begin here. Continue clicking and reading where you feel moved. In this way we are guided; we are connected heart-to-heart, we are communicating through hearts. And darling be it one image, one letter, one encounter or many our connection is a colossal force of happening. I write to you because I care for you. Deeply. Without reserve. It is my wish for you to know my love, to know your great, exuding charm. Newest, most recent letters are near the top.

Now feel that thud; the center of your chest beats. And there too, is our secret. Read blissfully. To me you are breathtakingly perfect.

Arrival

HELLO BEAUTIFUL,

Last night I had some trouble sleeping - I have a confession to make. I’m pregnant. I suppose it’s really not some huge secret at all, but it feels like a confession, maybe just because I’ve never been pregnant before - maybe because it’s all so very strange.

Life is strange; human life. I mean it’s so weird to think we came to be, and then we will cease to be - and between those two points lies this vast unknown; all these experiences, and memories, and hopes and fears and relationships, so many relationships. I believe it can all be concluded this way, boiled down to relationships. All of existence is a series of relationships. Of course this includes human relationships, and relationships with all sorts of living things - like animals, of course the term relationship must extend to animals; they blink, they think, they look at you with light or dark eyes, and there is simply no denying that a visceral life is bubbling inside… but also everything; relationship, and our relationships, extends to everything.

  • There is our relationship with our environment, how we move through it, how we exist in it; what do we surround ourselves with - nature, buildings, artificial light, a series of too many things to count?

  • What about our relationship with our work? With the way it is we spend our days, our time? How do we feel about this; how do we feel about the way we relate to our actions?

  • And then of course there is the relationship we hold with ourselves - with “one’s self.” How do we feel about this? I suppose there are some things I would change - in my own relationship with my own self - and you’d think it would be easy, as I completely control both players - the self I am, and the self I wish to be - but, it is not always so. If I could be with you now - in my physical person - imagine me looking up at you with an underhanded glance, and smiling a barely discernible “smile” from one corner of my mouth. It is hard, to have honest conversations with “one’s self;” the person staring back from the mirror.

Oh but isn’t is grand - Life? I’m thinking of how it all comes together, DNA from one meets DNA from another - and somehow, in the throes of this magical union (I am not referring to sex! Did you think I was! I’m laughing now and it feels lovely, positively wonderful, to be laughing with you…) No, I’m referring to the magical union of DNA. Simple genetic coding. The big word for it is Deoxyribonucleic Acid, aka - big, intimidating word - a self-replicating material. Anyhow through this coming together of fundamental, intrinsically-gifted chromosomes - the blueprint of one human avatar coalesces with the blueprint of another human avatar, and a third - another “other” - is born.

My baby is a girl. Nobody knows this yet, but I do. Of course the doctors say it is too soon to know the sex of our baby, and yet my partner and I both knew - long before she was ever conceived - that this being would be a girl. To be honest, I’m not even entirely sure what it means - gender. I mean yes of course there are our anatomical differences; but it is so much more than that. Humanity - through nature - split into two groups. Boy parts vs. Girl parts. It seems different to me - the division of gender - than any of the other “differences” humanity seems to care so much about: race, education, religious preference, cultural background, political stance… it seems fundamental; gender.

Of course this has nothing to do with love - Boy parts vs. Girl parts - the heart, and whom the heart is guided to love has nothing to do with gender. Gender in this way, when it comes to lovemaking, to even simply the pleasure of lovemaking - seems too like all the other trivial differences of humanity.

It is that men and women exist, rather that creation divided itself - here on this planet - that perplexes me.

Light and sound exist as one, together forever. Why in this realm are the two seemingly divided? For when they merge again - when our DNA comes together, rejoins again - all is as it should be. Creation - new life; regeneration - continues, is formed.

You know, all of these notions seem too big for me - but knowing that you’re here, that you’re out there too - walking and talking and singing and laughing and having moments and days where it all seems to fall apart - is literally the best thing ever. Not your pain friend - I don’t ever want you to feel pain, although I admit it is necessary - but you, simply you. You are the best thing ever.

I’m not alone. I have you. You are here on this spinning globe of water and dust, too.

With my whole heart, I thank you. For coming, for arriving, for joining. We don’t need all the answers yet, we have one another.

I wish words could better convey what I feel. Imagine us together; we’re smiling, laughing, walking and talking…

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Shanna Lodge Evje